Sketchbook pages 50-53

I've been doodling in my sketchbook!  Hooray!

1.   2.

3.

4.

1. Gesture sketches.  I referenced poses from a book about Bruce Lee called Bruce Lee; The Art of Expressing the Human Body.  The quote reads, "Knowing is not enough, we must apply.  Willing is not enough, we must do."

2. I read an article about Marilyn Manson's love and use of make-up and wanted to use some red and blue paint.

3. A collage; "Shamanism.  Explore. Learn. Discover.", "Impulse.  Mania.  beauty.  liven up.  day-night.  amazing.  choices."

4. An important reminder collage; "Wake-up call: The 'Not Good Enough' Trap.  Some of us are so used to feeling bad about ourselves, it's become normal.  We have to make a change now, to let go of the 'ideals' we've been taught to achieve, and to stop being ruled by fear.  Essentially, we are addicts, addicted to viewing ourselves in a negative way.  Basically, we're crippled by the fear of not being enough in general.  We have learned...to be afraid of being imperfect - and of being human. That's no way to live. It's tiring and uncomfortable and time-consuming.  We need to stop thinking of ourselves as insufficient, as not good enough.  Essentially, we are addicts, addicted to viewing ourselves in a negative way. A wise woman once told me you can't just stop thinking something, because that leaves a void; you have to replace the old thought pattern with a new, healthier one. What if we replaced our negativity with positivity, replaced the hate with love?  I look in the mirror everyday and say, 'I love you; you're beautiful.'  My mind didn't want to break the habit of hating myself. But the more I did it, the more natural it felt...until it eventually felt good.  I'm over feeling bad about myself."  "Be your beautiful you."  "Kick the habit."

Story Maps

As I'm gearing up to release Chapter 4 of my Harry Potter fanfic and finding that my plot needed some restructuring, I thought I'd share some of J. K. Rowling's own plot maps.  This first one is allegedly from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix:

I am absolutely amazed and humbled.  I mean, look at the level of detail here!  She organizes by chapter number, the date an event takes place, the chapter title, major plot points (we call these "set-pieces" in writing), how the prophecy relates to each bit, and then characters and their interactions and relationships.  This is so cool!  My plotting is not nearly as intensive as this, although for my own personal full-length work, I hope to achieve an outline like this (also outlines are tools - obviously she didn't follow this perfectly {I think I spot some discrepancies} but she did use it to guide her to keep her on track with all her subplots and weaving of relationships and the setting up and resolution of each scene and set-piece, as I hope to do with my own work).

I also just read Rowling's 2012 novel The Casual Vacancy which was very riveting, with extremely rich characters, and a plot that was almost too real, too close to home for my liking but I liked it because of that, too.  I couldn't put it down, I read it in three days after borrowing it from my local library (it's also being adapted into a TV mini series; the first episode just premiered in the UK on the BBC on the 16th of this month!  It comes to the US on April 29th, partnered with HBO).  I was fascinated by the "braiding" in the novel - the characters were intricately woven together and it was amazing to watch the separate strands come together to form something "solid".  I found a handy little chart depicting those interactions:

Complex, yes?  But important for solid writing!  

Circling back around to Harry Potter, I also found a good fan-made Black Family Tree:

Also neat, character-relationship wise.  

(And, yes, before you ask, I am quite familiar with Tolkien's level of family trees!  No need to go into them here, though!)

All in all, story mapping is obviously very useful in both the pre-work and to explain a work after-the-fact.  I only hope to have this much attention to detail in my own works, both fan-made and from my heart and head!

Music Inspiration for the Night

My inspiration for the night - Dimmu Borgir's "Raabjørn speiler Draugheimens skodde" ("Raabjørn Reflects the Mist of Draugheimen")

This song makes me feel like I'm in church; I get this "rapture" feeling, like I'm connected to something of such grace (I used to be forced to go to church when I was younger and I had never, ever felt like what I feel when I listen to this song, or when I had my own intense spiritual experience back in 2009).  It must be because it reminds me of Frodo's journey in The Lord of the Rings.

Langt...der borte i mørket

Gjennom tretopper der månelys driver

Langt...der borte i all tåke

Inn gjennom min sjel den sorte angst river

På de mosegrodde steiner de seg viser

Når nattemørket har senket seg over

Ekkoene...fra deres grufulle jamring

Endeløst...du kan høre

I horisonten langt vekk

Skimtes den sigende skådde

Horder av ild rider månelyset i flokk

Ved daggry de samles ved en bortgjemt ådde

Den iskalde snøen

Har kommet

Denne gang

I evig fokk

Far...away in the darkness

Where moonlight glides through treetops

Far...away in all fog

Entering through my soul the black river of anxiety

On the mossy stones they show themselves

When darkness has descended upon

The echoes...of their heinous moaning

Endlessly...you can hear

Far away on the horizon

Is glimpsed a gliding mist

Like hordes of fire-riders the moonlight flocks

At dawn they gather at a secluded promontory

The icy snow

Has come

This time

In eternal drift

(translation is my own)

A Blurb On Hearing Voices

This is my tear-jerker for the night.

"It is now clear to me that most mental illnesses can be regarded as tools of personal growth, magnifying our most deep rooted beliefs and fears similar to how the ‘common’ ego reflects our insecurities.  In both cases, we are being shown our self-sabotaging perceptions as an opportunity to re-empower ourselves to transcend them.

To everyone who has a mind and thoughts, this video of a woman describing her schizophrenia will re-empower you to observe your own mind with more compassion and understanding and to reclaim the driver’s seat of your life. If she can do it, we all can."

Read the article I quoted above here.

InterVoice --> the organization Eleanor Longden spoke about at the end of the TED Talk, is for anyone wanting to learn more about hearing voices, or even to find some peace of mind and support.  I know I did.

The following are two articles from InterVoice's website that particularly moved me:

Learning from Voices

Making Friends with Voices

Iceland and Elves

Did you know that Iceland strongly believes in the existence of elves?  Well, they sure do!  (I suppose belief is a strong word, more like a good portion of the populace does not deny the possibility of their existence - see this article on Elves in Cultural Vocabulary.)

This graphic shows the varying levels of believers in England, Scandinavia, and Iceland.  I believe the percentages are based off one of the studies referenced in both the articles above (though I am aware that this graphic may not pertain to anything real at all, it's just very interesting).  But look at Iceland in the top left corner - blacked out with belief!  

huldufólk, or "the hidden folk", have been part of Iceland's folklore for centuries.  If the Icelandic Elf School, Álfaskólinn, is to be believed, there are 13 different kinds of elves.  They'll also tell you about the 3 types of fairies, 2 types of troll, and 4 types of gnome, plus 4 hidden peoples (including the Blue People) and other magical beings, though the focus is on elves.  álfar is the word used for “elves” while huldufólk is used for “hidden people”.  The word álfr is common in Old Norse, and it may still be regarded as a common word in Icelandic, though huldufólk is now more common in spoken language and reserved for the hidden folk as “huldufólk are not your average elves, they will hunt you down and destroy your life if you mess with them,” says a native Icelander over at this post about Icelandic elves over at Reddit TIL.  This individual also states that in Iceland they have a “special division that manages elf related things” (I’m not sure if this is Álfaskólinn or if there is another organization).  It reminds me of the government in the movie Troll Hunter (which is awesome and a must-see if you’re a fan of mythical creatures and documentaries).

To make a distinction between hidden ones and elves: "‘There is a place called Álfheimr*; there live the people called light elves, while the dark elves live down in the ground; they are unlike in appearance and much more unlike in nature.  The light elves are fairer than the sun to see, and the dark elves blacker than pitch.’  Without making too much of this distinction, since Snorri” (who is quoted) “could be thinking of good and bad angels**” (what with the infiltration of Christianity), “it is worth our while to take note that the dark elves live in the ground, and correspond to that extent to the elves in Kormáks saga—and, doubtless, to the folk legends current in Iceland at that time.  But elves occupy a more honourable place in many mythological stories and poems.  Over and over again they are mentioned in the same breath as the Æsir themselves: Hvat er me› ásum, hvat er me› álfum? ‘What is the matter with the Æsir; what is the matter with the elves?’  Freyr’s home is Álfheimr, and Alvíssmál lists words from the language of elves, all of which relate to brightness and beauty." - “The Folk Stories of Iceland” by Einar Ólafur Sveinsson

*Álfheimr - translates to “elf home” while Ljósálfheimr translates to “light-elf home”; so Ljósálfheimr is the home of the elves made of light while other elves get to live in Álfheimr

**though Snorri could be (and probably is, in my personal opinion) talking about trolls here.  Iceland considers trolls and gnomes to be a type of huldufólk.  It is of interest to note that the Germans have just as many separate kinds of trolls (and trolls and gnomes are very different in German folklore) as Iceland does elves (perhaps I’ll do a post on that, too).

In general, elves are normally neither friendly nor hostile to men, they repay kindnesses generously but are extremely vengeful.  Their love is therefore very dangerous; if it is returned, cohabitation begins between two incompatible beings; if it is rejected or broken off one can expect a terrifying vengeance. This is all human and comprehensible except that the vengefulness is so much more intense than that of normal humanity (like, think Lovecraftian type of horrifying vengeance).  Coincidentally, female elves spurned and shunned by human love interests can die/fade of a broken heart/grief (much like Tolkien’s elves - spoiler alert, he actually referenced heavily from Scandinavian folklore).  Thus elves can seem to fall into two classes, the one class being evil to men (huldufólk), the others being ljúflingar,  or “the dear people”.  Since we were kind of focusing on huldufólk here, there are also the huldran which are kind of like Uruk-hai, kind of like Dark Elves because they are creepy and have this hole in their backs (some sources say it looks like rotting wood, other a gory wound) that they try to hide and if anyone happens to see this hole in the huldran’s back, the huldran will kill that person who found them out (some huldran are said to have tails as well).

The hidden folk are thought to steal children (having some fascination with human babies) and are associated with the belief in changelings.  Yes, just like in the film Labyrinth.  The root cause of children’s penchant for invisible playmates/imaginary friends is also often traced back to huldufólk.  The hidden folk are also said to have natural powers (different from witchcraft, which is apparently a learned skill, not a natural one, as in the case of elves), often in the form of diseases an illness to mankind, opening portals in rock walls to the realm of the fae, disguising their homes as rocks or trees, making themselves invisible, and other such things.  It is said their powers stem from their spiritual nature, that they even are nature spirits.  Some weird ideas of elves from days bygone include; elves do not have a partition between their nostrils, they have no immortal soul, and they prefer Trójumannasaga (the story of Troy) to the Bible.

Common in folklore and even personal accounts, the elves could be seen dancing over meadows, particularly at night and on misty mornings. They left a circle where they had danced, which were called älvdanser “elf dances” or älvringar “elf circles”, and to step in one would cause illness (or to get really specific, to urinate in one was thought to cause venereal disease).  Elf circles are identified by fairy rings, a naturally-occurring ring of small mushrooms.  But there is also another kind of elf circle, as described by this account given in 1926, found in Anne Marie Hellström’s book, En Krönika om Åsbro (A Chronicle of Åsbro) :

On lake shores, where the forest met the lake, you could find elf circles. They were round places where the grass had been flattened like a floor. Elves had danced there. By Lake Tisaren, I have seen one of those. It could be dangerous and one could become ill if one had trodden over such a place or if one destroyed anything there.

If a human watched the dance of the elves, he would discover that even though only a few hours seemed to have passed, many years had passed in the real world, a remote parallel to the Irish sídhe.

Nils Blommér: Ängsälvor (Feen auf der Wiese - Meadow Elves), 1850

This concept inspired the title of this blog and it permeates throughout my life.

I also strongly believe in the existence of both faeries and elves, not just because of some fanciful, romantic notion but mainly because of personal experience.  As a kid, I often saw fae creatures (especially on hikes and playing in forests with my younger sister but also throughout my adolescence I saw plenty of “shadow fae”) and they would come to me in dreams, just like in the folk tales.  One day, I shall go to Iceland and take an excursion with the Elf School, until then, I’ll be content with my personal experiences as well as these accounts that make it into international, published news:

Elves in real-life news:

July 13, 2005 - appease the elves before beginning construction projects

June 24, 2011 - angry elves wreak havoc on fjords

July 2, 2011 - town hopes to soothe angry elves with song

May 27, 2012 - politician repays life-saving elves by moving their huge rock home to his garden

January 1, 2014 - elves delay another construction project

And to cover all bases, here’s an essay about the exaggeration of the meddling of elves in road construction from the ICERA (Icelandic Road Administration) in 2008, stating the subject of elves is personal in nature but usually good PR.  Looks like the recipient of the essay and poster on the thread is not wholly swayed by this explanation, however ;)

And, neither am I.

Be yourself

Just be yourself.  Let people see the real imperfect, flawed, quirky, weird, beautiful and magical person you are.

- Unknown

Inspirational Alchemical Lyrics

So, in this last post of mine, I mentioned some song lyrics from Revolutionary Girl Utena that inspired me.  I think I'll type them up here to share them and inspire me further!

"Time is hypothetical, illusory.
A stage device that we create the moment we are born.
Destiny, choices, goodbye.
You & I are the Milky Way.
We have no past, no future, only now.
All alone in the Universe, in the cosmic theatre.
That's me!  Wait!  My last evolution, revolution, everlution!"

"Universal light.  Mosaic light.
Lucifer, son of the dawn.
Apocalyptic light.  Michael's light.
Androgynous son of darkness.
Flaming light, heavenly light.
The hierarchy of heaven.
Illusory light.  Eternal light.
Tricks of the mind.  Capricious birth.
Nicocus Erebus Uranus Thalantos
The globe of Gyunus shining with light.
Gyunus, in every way, born in miracles.
The pleasure principle.
The Nirvana principle.
The certainty of death mainly light.
Life is merely...
...the moving shadow of the living.
In the universe of the mind.
...the drifting shape of the living.
Light, temporary existence.
Seeking eternity, namely the folly...
...of returning to the beginning.
Two sexes, two poles, two of me.
Up, down, left, right, two of me.
Angel, devil, two sides of me.
Inside I'm hollow.  Inside I'm hollow.  Inside I'm hollow."

"Friendship
Choice
Reason
Love
Adoration
Conviction
Self
Revolution"

"The eternal opposing relationship
Between the two sides of a mirror
The ever-growing ambitions
And the fickle, cruel lies
Ahh...
Ah, people are nothing
Ah, within the darkness
Ah, the sound of waves
The light & the darkness
Both of them, both of them divide me!
Born alone, that's the reason
That I am, that I am divided!
Twins
Twins by duty
Twins by schemes
Twins who are absent
To see what can't be seen
A false world surfaces
Made of props & painted backdrops
A false world surfaces
Earth is just a trick made by man
Earth is just a ball of glass made by man
Earth is just"

I might post more creepy alchemically esoteric lyrics as I watch more episodes, if there are other dueling songs that give me chills!

Creepy!

I have a love of dark, creepy things.  My partner knows this.  My partner shows me this wallpaper this evening after supper:

Awesome!  Nice and creepy!  

But then I thought to myself, "I've seen that demon before!"  I promptly told my partner so and brought up a little drawing I did over four years ago now:

Uncanny!  

My only explanation is I tapped into the collective unconscious (what I can make out of the signature the painting was completed and signed in 2005; I have never seen this painting until today) and brought forth the similar rendering of this entity (both have a hooded-cloak-type-garb, mismatched eyes with one being shiny and the other being dull or missing, the uneven and sharp pointy teeth, the hunched back, the red tones in the skin).  

What's really creepy to me is that the drawing I made I made to represent a violent aspect of myself...

Which makes me think the painting from 2005 (I scoured for the artist and couldn't come up with anything definitive!?) is attempting to illustrate that human plight of balancing the light and dark aspects within one's self.  The "dark" aspect could either be taunting or cowering in its body language while the "light" aspect could either be seen as in a position of defeat or of rising up into its own power.  Beautiful.

Festive Mushroom

A very festive mushroom I found while heading back home from the grocer's the other morning! So pretty! I love mushrooms. I've been contemplating a journey recently...perhaps this is a sign...hmmm...

A little joyful reminder

Animation Appreciation

Groovy

I’m kind of loving the absolute absurd groovy silliness of this song right now.

Tijuana Surf by Frank Zappa

Your Assignment

A good set of reminders:

Another Similarity

Smallest & largest example of a fractal, a human brain cell & the universe side by side - nature is fractal in nature.

Similarity

The Eye of Horus and the pineal gland in the human brain.

Book Review

Those that know me well will know that I am an avid bookworm (back when I worked in child development, my nickname was, no surprise, The Bookworm). I pretty much read instead of watching any sort of television (save for some movies & things on Netflix sometimes or currently Game of Thrones...but that doesn't really count because I read the A Song of Ice & Fire Series first). Because I have been reading since I can remember (I was reading before I was walking but I'm also told I was running & climbing before I was walking...hmm) I often challenge myself by visiting a library & wandering the isles until I find something strange & appealing in a slightly esoteric way & then I attempt reading it.

This is exactly what I did down at the Santa Clara City Library the other day - & then this book found me:

My first thought was that the cover really did not remind me of Merlin but, in fact, Severus Snape. I mean, look at it: lank greasy hair, hooked nose, slouching posture, worn robes sitting amidst a myriad of woodland flora. This is obviously our favorite Potions Master in disguise. Titillated, I was immediately drawn to the book (being the big, fat, steaming Snape fantwat I am) and I decided that I would find somewhere to sit & peruse the first few sentences.

The sentences turned into paragraphs, the paragraphs to chapters, & before I rightly knew, I was halfway through the book.

Apparently I had been waiting for this book my whole life & I didn't even know it.

But that's the beauty of it, really - I believe we are meant to read the exact books we read throughout our lives, in the exact order we happen to choose because we've already decided the things we would learn in this incarnation & the knowledge from certain books from certain authors is crucial, not only because is it expanding the current trail of knowledge crucial to our development at this point, but also because the authors we gravitate towards are part of our own incarnational timeline - we are all connected.

I felt immediately connected to Robert Nye's Merlin; it was an amalgamation of many other works I had read previously, almost like I had read all those things years ago to prepare for this novel. Merlin is a raunchy esoteric retelling of the tale of Merlin & the Knights & Ladies of the Round Table riddled with blackest of the black humour, which is only really funny if you're familiar with things like The Key of Solomon the King, The Goetia: The Lesser Key of Solomon the King, anything by Aleister Crowley & Freud, The Necronomicon, The Kybalion, anything at all about ritual magick, every tale about King Arthur & Merlin ever, works by H.P. Lovecraft & Drunvalo Melchizedek, creation myths, and, but not excluded to, religion & the false dichotomies propagated by religion. This book is definitely not for the faint of heart, those who can't laugh at indecent japes made at religion, those who feel uncomfortable with gratuitous sex & mentions of drug use, & those that do not understand the finer points of alchemy & transformations. It was the perfect book for me.

Nye's style is very poetic - the lines on the page look more like meter with rhyme than prose, but prose it is none-the-less; poetic prose as well as darkly snarky. He uses a lot of short sentences & sentence fragments to keep you in the now of the book, in Merlin's head but also outside of it (as Merlin himself is). The story seems to be written as the events are taking place but also after the fact - time is really an illusion for the reader just as it is for Merlin. The story weaves in and out of Merlin's life - from birth to imprisonment in his crystal cave - with a great cast of characters that most are intimately familiar with: Merlin, Lucifer, Beelzebub, Uther Pendragon, King Arthur, Guinevere, Sir Lancelot, Morgan le Fay, etc. The story is broken down into four parts or "books" - Black, White, Red, Gold - signifying the alchemical process of changing base matter into gold, which is, ultimately, what Merlin is seeking to accomplish through the exploration & manipulation of the human psyche & shadow.

Needless to say, I finished it in two days. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard during the reading of a book in a long while and I'll certainly be thinking about this for some time, such was its impact on me. I would give Robert Nye's Merlin not just a five-star-rating, but a five-pentacle-rating with the pentacles covered in glitter & arranged in a pentagram formation at the bottom of a pig-stye (the pig-stye where the spider Charlotte spins her web at least) - that's how awesome this was. A diamond in the rough. A bejeweled needle in a haystack.

Pedaling Along

Happy bicycle day!

Good Vibes

It's a good day today. This picture reminds me of the trees dancing in the wind outside.

It's raining!!!

It's in the Rain

Enya + rain = serenity & joy (& inspiration!).